The moment I meet Jenny and her sister Lacey, there’s something off about their vibe. They seem hyped up, overexcited, coiled and ready to spring. It feels like there’s something going on and I don’t know what it is. I shared an office with Jenny for three years. That was in the 2000s; this is 2011. I work at another company now. At neither company did I choose to be out as gay in the workplace. Jenny is between jobs, and it so happens that one of my gay friends, John, is looking for English teachers for his department, so I put them in touch with each other. I figure John might let slip to Jenny that I’m gay, but I don’t care - after all, it would hardly be a surprise, and she knows me well enough. So as I head to meet Jenny and her sister, I’m well aware that she might say something like “John told me you’re gay”, we’ll end up having a conversation about it and it will be fine. I’m basically at peace with coming out to them.
I’m not gay, but it sounds like it sucks. You are surrounded by sharks gnawing for an ounce of your blood: conservatives who shit on you for your sexuality, wokes who want to use you as a pawn in their culture war game, and normies like these who expect you to fulfill their expectations for what they think a gay friend is like—in other words, people desperate for a pet gay. Good article!
Please continue writing. I read your work and I want more. Even when I disagree, I still enjoy your style. You are inspiring me to make my own. Expect comments from me more often!
I grew up in that milieu, but was happy to watch it fade as the years went by. When I was in high school in the 70s, the worst thing that could happen to a guy was to be accused of being gay, gay or not. It was like being turned out in the woods to survive on your own. I participated in behaving that way toward some fine people I now wish I'd had the wit to befriend. I did learn better, eventually, but the Ghost of Stupid Past haunts me still.
Once being out was no longer quite like catching leprosy, I worked with openly gay guys on several jobs. Some of them were just delightfully present; something about an outsider's perspective, maybe? Others were of course dullards, but at least they weren't all bound up in transphobia. Man, that stuff gets hugely tiresome for straight guys after high school, and I have to say, straight women are the main enforcers. Think, "Bromance." Whose sneer is that? Straight guys need friends, too.
I'm rambling, and I mainly meant to thank you for the link to this post in a recent comment. You're a fine writer, and I hope you get back to it soon.
"My being gay, something that had been a central point of trauma in my life and that I had learned to conceal and compartmentalise as a survival mechanism, was reduced to something that would be fun for them."
Oof, I really feel that one. I don't think people have grasped that being a man who acknowledges or expresses desire for other men is still a pretty risky and fraught thing to do in a lot of contexts, considering the full sweep of history. People presume everything's "fixed" now. I don't know how old you are, but I'm in my mid-30s, and even when I started coming out at eighteen, it was not easy, even among people you presumed might be supportive. Then Obergefell & Windsor were decided less than a decade later. It's a head-spinning switch, but I still carry the pain of discovering very-much-unwanted gayness in myself at a time when it wasn't so trendy. It makes these situations, where someone is eager to draw it out of you for their own titillation, all the more painful.
I’m not gay, but it sounds like it sucks. You are surrounded by sharks gnawing for an ounce of your blood: conservatives who shit on you for your sexuality, wokes who want to use you as a pawn in their culture war game, and normies like these who expect you to fulfill their expectations for what they think a gay friend is like—in other words, people desperate for a pet gay. Good article!
Please continue writing. I read your work and I want more. Even when I disagree, I still enjoy your style. You are inspiring me to make my own. Expect comments from me more often!
Wow, you know some really crass folks, lol.
I grew up in that milieu, but was happy to watch it fade as the years went by. When I was in high school in the 70s, the worst thing that could happen to a guy was to be accused of being gay, gay or not. It was like being turned out in the woods to survive on your own. I participated in behaving that way toward some fine people I now wish I'd had the wit to befriend. I did learn better, eventually, but the Ghost of Stupid Past haunts me still.
Once being out was no longer quite like catching leprosy, I worked with openly gay guys on several jobs. Some of them were just delightfully present; something about an outsider's perspective, maybe? Others were of course dullards, but at least they weren't all bound up in transphobia. Man, that stuff gets hugely tiresome for straight guys after high school, and I have to say, straight women are the main enforcers. Think, "Bromance." Whose sneer is that? Straight guys need friends, too.
I'm rambling, and I mainly meant to thank you for the link to this post in a recent comment. You're a fine writer, and I hope you get back to it soon.
"My being gay, something that had been a central point of trauma in my life and that I had learned to conceal and compartmentalise as a survival mechanism, was reduced to something that would be fun for them."
Oof, I really feel that one. I don't think people have grasped that being a man who acknowledges or expresses desire for other men is still a pretty risky and fraught thing to do in a lot of contexts, considering the full sweep of history. People presume everything's "fixed" now. I don't know how old you are, but I'm in my mid-30s, and even when I started coming out at eighteen, it was not easy, even among people you presumed might be supportive. Then Obergefell & Windsor were decided less than a decade later. It's a head-spinning switch, but I still carry the pain of discovering very-much-unwanted gayness in myself at a time when it wasn't so trendy. It makes these situations, where someone is eager to draw it out of you for their own titillation, all the more painful.